chapter one Lorraine Jensen and John Conlan are not your average sophomores at Franklin High School. Rather than hanging with friends, playing an after-school sport, or even doing homework for their Problems in American Democracy class, Lorraine and John are busy typing up a "memorial epic" of their experiences with Mr. Angelo Pignati, the Pigman. They promise us to be completely honest in their account. John is so honest, in fact, that he confesses to vandalizing pranks committed last year. Perhaps the most notorious one was detonating explosives in the boys bathroom. Lorraine, however, seems of a different sort. John tells us that she has a miserable look on her face ever since the Pigman died.
John and Lorraine
probably shouldn't even be friends; they are as unlike as most anyone else
around. Ignoring the fact that John finds humor in explosives, he still seems
to lack admirable qualities. He drinks and smokes more than anyone Lorraine
knows, he lies compulsively, he curses, and he is rude to people. However,
people seem to overlook these flaws because he is amazingly handsome. While
not a total beast, Lorraine doesn't garnish the attention John does. In fact,
she stood at the same bus stop with the same bunch of kids for weeks without
anyone talking to her. She was new to the neighborhood, and wanted friends.
One morning, John was forced to sit next Lorraine on an overcrowded school
bus. He sat there laughing for no apparent reason. This infuriated Lorraine!
How dare he laugh at me! Lorraine was committed to showing John what an idiot
he was, so she started laughing louder than his laughs. This caused a one-upmanship
contest with both of them laughing for real.
Sometimes friendship sprouts from the most bizarre circumstances.
When do these
kids do homework?
John and Lorraine's crazy antics did not end with insane laughing on a school bus. They make a fun game from making prank phone calls (John took the game to the next level by gluing a lock his father put on the phone. Because of this, they probably use a phone away from John's house). These pranks evolved into what they called a "telephone marathon." The object of the game is simple: open up the phone book, randomly select a name, call it, and attempt to keep the other party talking for as long a possible. Dennis, one of their knuckle-headed friends, has the current record of two hours and twenty-six minutes. Not bad for an amoeba.
Sure, Lorraine chose the Pigman's phone number, but that doesn't mean they are responsible for his murder. Or does it?