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My Life as an Odyssey

Tyler Moss 1/9/04

The Lonely Dreamer

A dream is a wild fancy or hope. It is a condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration. Young children often have dreams of meeting Santa Clause, becoming an astronaut, or other fantasies of that nature. Often as these youngsters grow up, their visions begin to diminish and most settle into a life of mediocrity. With myself this was never the case, and never will be.

I learned to read at a very young age. At four I could read a Curious George book straight through, and even the occasional Berenstain Bears. By five I had begun to read a collection of biographies my grandmother owned. After reading about great people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mark Twain, and William Shakespeare, I had already developed my life's goal.

Whether it was movies, books or plays, I was always transfixed. The concept of going places not necessarily possible in reality enthralled me, and captured my interest entirely. What better profession could there be then to be able to use my imagination to take people places that have only existed in my mind? I want to leave an impact on the world. Let people see things through my eyes, and live through my ideas. With these principles carved into my brain as a testimonial to almost every action taken so far in my life, I can truly say that I have found my reason to live. I stand before you a man of great ambition, and possibly of even greater spirit. My life story so far can be summed up in a few simple phrases: my mission to belong, my struggle out of mediocrity, and my desire to succeed at what I love.

I have been many places and seen many things in my fifteen years. I was born in Portland, and got used to having family around every corner. Little did I know that my father's job would soon be taking us far away from what I had become accustomed to. Our first move was to Austin, Texas in October 1995. After making friends and finally beginning to settle in, we moved again. This time we moved to Dallas-Fort Worth. We stayed a little longer in Dallas, (about three years), but in June of '99 we moved to Shawnee-Mission, Kansas. Although I was reluctant to move at first, Kansas became my home away from home. I still have many friends there that I talk to all the time. We would still spend a few weeks in the summer in Oregon and often had relatives visit us, letting us see the family quite often also. Although I may have been content in Kansas, my parents longed for the friends and family we still had in Oregon, the beautiful mountains, and the shimmering coastlines. After maybe about three and a half years in Kansas, we finally moved back here to Portland. Although I have great friends now and I do enjoy the family, it will never be the same as in Kansas. Things change with time though, and life goes on.

I have learned many things from my travels. I know what it is like to be the new kid, having to start all over wherever you go. I have also learned to appreciate my time alone, (although with two younger brothers, this is sometimes hard to find), just being able to relax and think. Already at 15 I have taken a long and tedious physical trip, but it is not yet over. No, this is just the beginning.

I've been told all my life that the reason I feel so much mental stress is because I can't stop thinking. Actually, that is probably exactly what my problem is. Sometimes I leave myself in wonder at the complexities of my mind. I still cannot decide whether my ambition is a positive thing or a negative thing. The stress of it at times is almost enough to drive a person insane, but then again I could not imagine life without it. Sometimes all these things rushing through my head can create intense mood swings. I am embarrassed to say that I experience a "midlife crisis" every two weeks. I get on myself for not making as much progress as I wish I had. Constantly working for my shot at the big time, the drama never ends. In a way, I suppose it has given my life meaning. After all, fortune favors the boldÉ

I have done my best to overcome all the obstacles in my life. I've had to virtually start my life over in the places I lived. I have my subconscious to blame as monsters, much life the sirens in the Odyssey. It leaves me in a constant state of unrest, urging me to try harder; to surpass the hollow shell of common man and become the person I have always dreamed of being. Many times I have reached crossroads in my life, much like Odysseus does at Charybdis and Syclla. Of course whether or not the choices I have made were for the better or for worse is always questionable, but I stand before you with no regrets. The friends I have encountered on these journeys often have helped me overcome these obstacles, and many will remain my lifelong companions.

I have not yet reached my Ithaca. I could not live without my family and couldn't trade the memories I have for anything, yet I have not reached inner peace. My Ithaca is a place in time where I can go over everything I have done and eventually die, knowing that I did not live a meaningless life. A life I can look back on and say that I know, once and for all, that dreams really can come true.

 

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